How many times have you been late for something and said, “sorry there was so much traffic, it made me late.” Or cited the weather as the reason for your bad mood. Maybe you’ve heard a toddler tell you that his sister “made him” hit her. Or maybe you have said that your spouse or friend “made you” angry. Any time we attribute our emotions or actions to our circumstances or to another person, we shift the blame and push off responsibility. Instead of living free, we find ourselves subject to our surroundings.
The Two Circles is a mental model we can use to visualize what this looks like. By shifting your mindset from the Victim Circle to the Circle of Choice, you can find freedom in taking ownership over your actions and emotions.
The Victim Circle
When living in the Victim Circle, you view your life, circumstances, and other people as acting upon you. You are subject to the whims of wherever the wind may blow, and your emotions are dependent upon external actors. This means that you will likely feel down when life doesn’t go your way, but you can also be in the Victim Circle when things are going well! It is natural to feel sad when receiving a rejection and happy when you get an acceptance letter. But those living in the Victim Circle will be generally unable to have a perspective to something beyond these circumstances and live a reactive life focused on how the world affects them.
The Circle of Choice
Those who live in the Circle of Choice are able to have a different perspective. Here, you learn to recognize your own agency in the world and ability to influence our circumstances. We can still feel the emotions that arise based on the actions of others or the situations we find ourselves in. But then we can make a choice based on the Three Things You Can Control in order to move forward. They are:
- Your attitude and perspective
- Your actions and choices
- Whom you trust
You cannot choose what life throws at you. But you can choose how you respond. Living in the Circle of Choice is about taking responsibility for your actions and utilizing the things you CAN control to have a perspective beyond the current moment.
Blame shifting will not help you to live free. Owning that you are in control of your actions and emotions can help you find perspective outside of your circumstances.
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Development Coordinator at The Crossroad.
