When we’re young, we have boundaries and consequences set for us: if you don’t clean your room, you won’t get to watch tv. But, as we grow older, we have to learn to set boundaries for ourselves. A mental model we use to understand boundaries and consequences is the Freedom V.
The Freedom V
When we talk about the Freedom V, we often talk about it from the point of view of the leader and where they might place others on the V, whether it be their employees or children. But today I want to talk about it from the standpoint of self-government and learning to place our own boundaries and consequences.
On the Freedom V, the hard lines of the V represent boundaries, and the area outside of the V is consequences. What remains in the middle is the realm of peaceful living. If you are lower down on the V, you have tighter external boundaries and less freedom and responsibility. But, as you have proven yourself to be able to handle the responsibility you’re given, you get moved up the V. More freedom means that you will now have to start placing your own internal boundaries and implementing your own consequences when necessary.
Self-Governing
If the Freedom V works as it should, by the time you are placed at the top of the Freedom V you should be able to self-govern and place boundaries for yourself. But that is not always the case. Sometimes we jump to the top because of an expertise in a subject matter without the self-governing skills to back it up. Or maybe you never had this kind of discipline as a child. That does not mean that you cannot learn how to self-govern today. I want to recommend two actions that you can take to help you learn how to set your own boundaries: become your own transactional leader, and seek out accountability.
Become Your Own Transactional Leader
One of the five leadership styles is Transactional Leadership. This is when a leader rewards desirable behavior or actions and disciplines undesired behaviors. In the example of parenting, this could mean giving a child a sticker for a good grade on a quiz or instituting a time out when she fought with her sister.
You can become your own Transactional Leader by implementing rewards and consequences for behavior or actions you want to achieve. Utilizing both the rewards and consequences is key. Oftentimes, we’ll say something like “if I get xyz done, then I can get a treat on my way home,” and then we stop by the coffee shop anyways regardless of the task is finished. If you’re going to offer yourself a reward for a task completed, you have to withhold it if the work doesn’t get done, just like you would do if you were offering a reward to a child.
Seek Out Accountability
Part of why it can be difficult to set your own boundaries is because you’re not accountable to anyone except yourself. Seeking out a friend to hold you accountable can be a great way to get back on track. This doesn’t even have to mean that they are the person in charge of rewards and consequences. Rather, it can be someone you check in with about your goals, share your boundaries with, and give them permission to ask about how you’re doing with it. Of course, in order for this to work, you have to be honest with them. You have to care more about your growth than how they perceive you if you are going to develop self-governance.
Self-governance is an important skill for any leader to learn. If you don’t feel like you are as disciplined as you would like to be, you can continue to grow in this area and develop your skills as a leader!
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Development Coordinator at The Crossroad.
