In the last article we looked at why we need relationships in order to thrive. This week we’re going to explore a few practical ways you can cultivate healthy relationships using the Servant Leadership tools.
You Can’t Control Them
The first tip to cultivating healthy relationships is to remember that “other people” is not on the list of things you can control. The three things you can control are:
- Your attitude and perspective
- Your choices and actions
- Whom you trust
You cannot choose the attitude or actions of anyone but yourself. Having that realistic expectation can help you to not get upset when someone makes a choice you wouldn’t have, for example. Too often relationships break down because we try to control each other. We can choose to trust each other, but doing so also means choosing to trust each other’s actions (within reason). This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever push back against someone’s decision that you think is unwise. However, the important thing to remember is that, at the end of the day, their actions and attitude belong to them.
Cultivate a Create-Something Culture
We have identified two different kinds of organizational cultures: a Don’t-Make-A-Mistake Culture and a Create-Something Culture. A Don’t-Make-A-Mistake Culture is built on shame and blame shifting. When something goes wrong, others in the organization try and root out who is the cause of the problem and put it on them. This creates unhealthy competition and often means that you’re not actually working towards a solution.
A Create-Something Culture, on the other hand, encourages innovation by looking for creative solutions to problems together instead of finding one person to blame. This allows people to come forward with their best ideas, even if they’re not 100% sure they will work out. It also allows for better collaboration, as there’s not imposed competition between team members.
Help Each Other Out of the Pit
On the path, you will inevitably reach a point we call The Pit. The Pit is a place of reckoning where you have to decide if it’s worth it to push through and continue the project or give up and go back to the beginning of the Mood Curve.
The Pit can be a discouraging place to be, where you realize that your expectations and plans are not working out and have to readjust and work harder to reach your goal. In that place of discouragement, a kind word from a friend or some outside perspective can often be just what you need to make it through. So, when cultivating healthy relationships, don’t push each other into the Pit. Rather, be an encouraging voice that helps others out and gives them fresh perspective to make it through to the other side.
There are many more ways that you can cultivate healthy relationships. But I hope this helps you see how you can use the Servant Leadership tools to think communally about your projects. These are not just tools to be used in isolation. Rather, they can help us live in community with one another and pursue our There together.
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Development Coordinator at The Crossroad.
