Conflict on its own is a fairly neutral entity, as an unavoidable fact of life. But how we respond to conflict when it arises determines whether it will control the situation or be resolved and moved on from. In fact, conflict can be good as it helps us figure out our priorities and what we really want in a given situation. Therefore, we should not run from conflict. Rather, we should address it arises to learn from it and move forward.
There are five kinds of conflict resolution styles. None of them are better than another in general. Rather, each of them are better situated to different circumstances. We each will have a resolution style that we might more naturally gravitate towards. It’s good to recognize those tendencies and also learn about the other styles so that we can implement them when the situation calls for it.
Avoidance
Think of avoidance as The Bolter. When conflict arises, this person bolts and runs away. Sometimes it can be good to have a moment to oneself, especially when tensions are high and people need to cool off before they can have a productive conversation. However, you cannot avoid conflict forever. And sometimes “kicking the can down the road” for too long can make the conflict worse when you finally do have to address it.
Accommodation
Accommodation is like The Bower. This person, similarly to The Bolter, doesn’t want to deal with the conflict. But rather than avoiding it, their tactic is to just give in to whatever the other person wants. This kind of humility can be a good trait, and we need people who are willing to concede. But the danger is that if someone is always indifferent, then they might not stand up for themselves when it really matters. Accommodation can be a helpful style with matters that are not as important to you and your values. But it could lead to passive aggressiveness if that means you end up comprising one of your values because you gave in.
Compromise
The Broker is the icon for Compromise. We tend to think of this as the ideal conflict resolution style, where each person gives a little and takes a little in order to reach a compromise. But this resolution just simply isn’t available in every situation. And sometimes it can be used in a manipulative way where clearly one person got the better end of the deal but you’re told to act like it was a fair trade. Make sure both parties are in agreement to the compromise when using this style.
Competition
Competition is like The Boxer. This person just wants to fight at whatever cost and won’t back down. This is the opposite of Accommodation, and each of them have something to learn from each other. The Boxer needs to learn that not every situation is worth having a fight over. And sometimes it’s better to let the other person win if it doesn’t compromise one of your values and is for the good of the relationship. But likewise it’s helpful to have the ability to fight for your priorities and to not back down from one of your core values.
Collaboration
Finally, we can think of Collaboration like The Blender. This style is similar to Compromise, in that it’s taking a little bit from each of the two perspectives in conflict. But this time, instead of trying to reach an even midpoint between the two, Collaboration searches for a third perspective. Here, both parties get to work together to find a solution together. However, this is not always possible, and it’s easy to spend a lot of time trying to find a solution that’s not going to work.
I hope you can see through these examples that there’s no perfect resolution style. Even ones that seem ideal on paper, like Collaboration and Compromise, won’t always be able to work in real life. Therefore, it’s good to be honest about your situation and which style you need to learn from the conflict and move forward towards your goals. Overall, a mission-centered resolution, where both parties have the mission of the organization as their end goal (instead of self-preservation) will be the best strategy, regardless of resolution style.
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Development Coordinator at The Crossroad.
