When working with other people, it is inevitable that conflict will exist at some point in time. That doesn’t mean that shouting matches are bound to happen, but just that people will naturally disagree in one way or another.
So, why does this happen? Why can’t we exist peacefully all of the time? One reason, as we explored last time, might be that you have different priorities that cause you to spend your time in different ways.
Another reason there might be conflict is if someone didn’t meet expectations. And, for this instance we have an acronym to help us remember why this might have happened: SLY. Structure. Leadership. You.
S.L.Y.
Structure: 85% of the time, it is the structure in place that leads to the miss. Structure is what we do and how we do it. Structure demands behavior. Therefore, fixing the processes in place will likely lead to the behavior being corrected as well.
Leadership: 10% of the time, the miss is because leaders didn’t clearly communicate their expectations. People are usually going to fall short of expectations if they don’t know what the expectations are. So, when correcting a miss, make sure that both parties understand the expectations moving forward.
You: only 5% of the time is a miss because of the person’s direct and deliberate fault. Therefore, when having a Moment of Truth, don’t adopt a Don’t Make a Mistake Culture and assume that the person is entirely to blame. Look first at the structure, then at the leadership, for the cause of the miss.
Differences in Personality
Another reason that people may come into conflict has nothing to do with the task at hand, but just the simple fact that some with different personalities rub each other the wrong way. This shouldn’t be cause for concern, and you don’t need to be best friends with everyone. But, you do need to be able to be cordial with everyone and communicate effectively with those you work with. And you may even surprise yourself by getting along with someone you previously had conflict with after putting personal prejudices aside.
There are many more reasons why people may come into conflict. But I hope that this exploration of a few of them helps you to see that conflict is ultimately a neutral entity. The conflict in itself is not good or bad, it just is. It’s what you do when the conflict occurs that shapes the trajectory of the relationship. And that will be the topic of our next article.
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Development Coordinator at The Crossroad.
