In the last article we discussed what it might look like to choose to change your direction in life. But oftentimes it feels like life is changing all around us and making the decisions for us instead. So how can we continue to point ourselves towards our There in the midst of changing circumstances?
Three Things You Can Control
The first thing to recognize is the Three Things You Can Control. They are:
- Your attitude and perspective
- Your actions and choices
- Whom you trust
You cannot control others’ choices and actions. You cannot control others’ opinion of you. You cannot control a medical diagnosis. You cannot control the weather. But you can control how you will respond and act to all of life’s uncontrollable events.
The Two Circles
There are two modes of action in response to life’s circumstances around you. We visualize them as two circles.
The first is the Victim Circle. This is where you visualize circumstances as happening to you. Like a ship tossed by the waves, you feel helpless in the midst of the storm and go wherever it takes you. You do not recognize your agency over your attitude, actions, and whom you trust and let your circumstances override your goals.
The second mode of operating is in the Freedom Circle. Here, you stand firm like a beacon in the storm, taking agency over what you can control and releasing what you cannot. In this circle, you don’t have to worry when circumstances change, because you know you can Act, Learn, and Adjust along the Path to get where you want to go.
It is all too easy to fall into the Victim Circle. It’s natural to feel sad when circumstances don’t go your way and happy when it feels like everything’s falling into place. But if your entire outlook is dependent on things outside of your control, that might be a sign that you’re operating from the Victim Circle.
A New Mode of Operating
The best way to orient yourself to operating in the Freedom Circle is to recall the Three Things You Can Control. So the next time a circumstance changes outside of your control, remember that you can choose your attitude, actions, and whom you trust.
If your boss chooses someone else for the promotion over you, you can choose whom to trust to share those frustrations with, the attitude with which you are going to treat your co-worker, and the level of effort you put into your job going forward.
If you or a loved one undergoes a health problem, you can choose which doctors to trust for your treatment, what you want to prioritize and spend your time on in this season, and if you are going to have a hopeful or pessimistic outlook through it all.
But operating in the Freedom Circle isn’t just limited to when things don’t go your way. When you do get a raise or get engaged and life feels good, you can still choose your actions, attitude, and whom you will trust.
Taking agency over what is within your control will help you to remain aimed at your There, even when circumstances change.
Gracie McBride is the Content and Systems Coordinator at The Crossroad.
