I work on the student life team at a university. This week is the first week I am holding the Emergency Phone. The night before my shift began, I could barely sleep. I have what my parents affectionately call an “active imagination.” I was thinking about all of the things that could happen to college students in a week and all of the ways I am inadequate to respond.

There is something really unique about being “on call.” When I have a meeting or a day that is going to be rough, I can prepare for it. I can be ready, grit my teeth and get through. I know, relatively speaking, the amount of time involved and I can usually predict the craziness. I can spend a few minutes before a tense situation, praying and prepping. I’ve always been good at this sort of thing. Like cramming in last minute studying before a test.

Being “on call” is different. I am only on day two of holding the phone. It is sitting on the desk next to me, inactive as a paper weight, benign and looking as if it never intends to do anything. But it could spring to life any moment.

The Crossroad Blog: ownership

And if it does, there are a million things that could be happening on the other line. A Covid case. Mental illness. Suicide. A wrong number. Spam. There is a unique fear to being on call. A strange weight that may or may not manifest into tangible reality.

Being Ready

I was watching a basketball game last night and when a player who had not played in a long time found himself injured on the court. the announcer said, “That is why you always need to be ready”.

What is so intimidating about being on call is that your readiness might be called into question any minute. Like a poker player who must lay down his hand. No prep. A short runway. Immediate response. 

You have to be ready for anything.

The solace for me this week has been understanding that there is not much more I can do to “be ready.” I know how to find the checklists. I have experience in all sorts of emergencies. I am kind, patient and wise.

The Crossroad Blog: ownership

I am realizing that so often I strategize how and when to use those things. I can plot the course. But when you are on call, the course comes for you, hard and fast.

You have to be ready. Maybe what I am thinking is this: you have to truly be kind, patient, and wise. You cannot fake it when the stakes are that high. Of course, this does not mean I’ll know what to do every time or have all the right answers. What it means is my character will shine through. I will do my best. 

The key to being on call is to be ready to be oneself. We try so hard to manufacture circumstances where we put our best foot forward. And our best foot is not often the truest manifestation of who we are.

The Key to Consistency

I often think about my character the same way I think about my schedule: the big things are the biggest things. If I can just get the moment right when a robbery is in progress or truth is dramatically threatened, it will solidify my character. When I think of life, I often think of it as a string of big moments with a lot of downtime in between.

No wonder being on call scares me.

The truth is the real marrow of life is what happens in those “in between” moments. What comes out of me when I am not quite prepared reveals who I truly am.

So, the key to being on call is to do my best to be a consistent person. I don’t have to wait for the “big moments” before mustering up effort to do or say the right thing. Character is what I think every day, the ideas and perceptions no one else will see. It is the thing I do when no one is watching. 

The truth is we are all “on call.” We try so hard to schedule and control. To show what we want to show when we want to show it. But anything can happen at any time. Tragedy. Trauma. Triumph. Victory. It is all one breath away. We are not in control. Mastering the few “big moments” we face will not provide the eternal validation we are hoping for.

The best we can do is be ready. Be consistent. The best we can do is live out of our character and face with courage whatever comes our way.